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Friday, September 3, 2010

A Look Into Myself

I'm quite very ashamed of myself today. Actually, I often feel ashamed of myself when I look at things in retrospect. It's almost like most of the time- I act without a brain. (I hope my students don't read this! They'd gladly agree :D) It can be really infuriating.

Speaking of infuriating, that's very much what Sam, my might be husband if nothing goes wrong fiance has been thinking about me. Some of my students are constantly infuriated with me as well. Can't please everyone right? The good thing about being a teacher or at least just getting off the computer and talking to people is that- well, we get challenged.

I get challenged all the time by different people- be it the policeman down the road, my neighbor, different students, my parents, my friends, strangers, etc. And when I am infuriated with someone else, it brings to light what I often don't want to see- my own faults.

Dealing with Sam can be really infuriating sometimes. And sometimes I can only hang my head in shame seeing how horrible a person I am. When I'm with my parents - I basically feel that, well, I've done so much wrong. I have no more face left. The only reason I may have face left is because, well- they love me despite the many silly and stupid things I've done.

In the eyes of others, I see myself. Unfortunately, most of the time I don't like to see what I am seeing. But I will not run and hide. I will pray and work and pray to change and become a better person.

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