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Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Some things just take time...

One of the kids I've been teaching just turned three a couple weeks ago. She is a little ball of energy- running to and fro, yelling, and smiling at everyone. Two weeks ago it was almost impossible to understand what she was saying. She "talked" almost non-stop, but 95% of what she said was just babble. But now she's able to repeat words much better, and you can actually have conversations with her. Don't expect deep, philosophical conversations, but easy ones are fine. Some things just take time, and it's important never to lose patience, and to hold your tongue. Shh, and believe.

Yesterday, my patience was tested. And as hour after hour rolled past and the dreary afternoon turned into the darkness of the night, my patience was practically gone- transformed into an angry cobra ready to spit and bite. I gave up. I swore at myself. I wanted to swear at him too, and tell him it was exactly why I doubt he'll come back sometimes. I tried to busy myself with other things and pretend my bitterness was not there. I didn't pick up the phone, I didn't dial. Of course not. And I swore I wouldn't for a whole week. Lets see what happens, lets see how far it will go. And then my phone rang. So he didn't forget. He had a good excuse why he didn't come on to talk after nearly two weeks of not talking. I was challenged again. Accept and get rid of the anger? Accept and get rid of the bitterness? But wasn't it so sweet to be angry?

I was tired. I was defeated. I didn't want to be angry anymore. After all, where is the joy in anger that we like to kid ourselves about? I cried a few and let it go. Some things just take time, like trust, like relationships, like seeds waiting to sprout from the earth, like life. And so we go, on and on...

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